State of the Campus

My fellow campus men and women, today I'd like to discuss a grave threat to IU's peace and security, and the determination of the city and campus to continue having one of the most beautiful environments in all of America. The theat comes from the construction workers. It arises directly from their past actions and continuing encroachment onto campus. As all of you know, a while ago construction began on 7th street on the north side of the IU auditorium. The following is an air suveillance photo taken by our spy planes. All of that area has been courdoned off with fencing and green tarp by the construction workers. However, intelligence sources have spotted trailers and pipes through the tarp. The significance of these findings will be expounded on later. Last year, construction began on Simon Hall, south of the current Chemistry building and north of Rawles Hall. It is not visible from our following intelligence photo. . What has been clearly visible to sources on the ground in the past month though, is that the construction site has been expanded to the north side of Jordan Hall. The sidewalk between Ballantine and Jordan has been completely sealed off with fencing, green tarp, and a sign that reads "SIDEWALK CLOSED. DO NOT CLIMB FENCE. STUDENTS WILL BE SHOT ON SIGHT." Again, trailers and pipes have been sighted inside this construction zone. Today, at 0800, intelligence sources reported a new sign in front of the Chemistry building that read, "CONSTRUCTION TRAFFIC ONLY. UNKNOWN VEHICLES WILL BE DEMOLISHED." We cannot allow this encroachment on campus to continue unabated. To back down now would only further embolden the construction workers and their allies in frustration around the world. Further, the trailers and pipes in the contruction areas have been confirmed as mobile biological weapons laboratories and uranium enrichment tubes. Weapons of mass destruction are strictly prohibited in their contract with IU. The construction workers have shown their neglect for students before, with the Noise Pollution period of Fall 2004 and the ongoing trucks-kicking-up-dust-while-you-are-walking-past-Kirkwood-and-Lindley-Hall period. We must take action now, rather than later. We can't wait to be woken up into action when the Chemistry building itself is completely courdoned off. Appeasement did not work in World War II, and it won't work now. We must show our Cream and Crimson colors, and take a stand. Thank you all for listening today, I will keep you updated as events unfold via blog posts. Oh, and may God continue to bless IU.