tai chi saved my life

So today in Bloomington it was quite soggy, and the wooden bridges around Ballantine Hall got pretty slick...getting out of math, I slippED! but by performing a quick tai chi manoever, I was able to sent out a gigantic burst of wind and propel myself from falling and hitting the ground, there by causing me to break my hip and possibly die. Tai chi saved my life, and it can save yours too! For a small price of $10 per session, I will give you private lessons in Tai Chi--think about it...life insurance is many times more expensive, and is only a reactionary insurance--tai chi is preventative insurance! that mugger comes after you with his knife, you just grab the sides of the knife, snap off the tip, and use that tip to stick the mugger through the throat! you're overseas and a car bomb goes off, just BLOW really hard and the hot, expanding explosion will be directed in the other way! and of course, if you fall, you will learn how to levitate yourself to prevent hip fracture! mike, i know that you ride a bike and hence don't slip. i don't want to hear anything from you.